that's me - Stephanie Boman!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Confessions of an anal-retentive exerciser

The first in an on-going series . . .

The fact that I even exercise is amazing. This feat is accomplished only because I joined a women's circuit fitness club which has set up the workout for me so that I have to do zero thinking. All the effort I have to put into it is to drive there and get my sorry saggy butt in the door (which is a challenge in itself).

This nation-wide chain is popular with the older set, and my club is no exception. Perhaps you have heard me rant about being stuck in the circuit behind the senior with the walker. I have many tales to tell about my escapades with the exercising elderly. Today's involved The Odiferous One.

The Odiferous One (T.O.O.) must be pushing eighty, though her hair is still as red as it was when she was twenty. Grandma cannot seem to come to the gym without a dousing of old lady perfume, despite the many signs posted about the place asking the women to refrain from wearing scents to the club. I'm not normally sensitive to smells; I wear a spritz of O oui! myself from time to time. But this chemical, vaguely floral, smell is a sinus assassin.

T.O.O. has an uncanny knack for showing up whenever I choose to workout. I've tried to vary my workout times in vain. But today I thought I pulled a fast one on granny. I'm on the last leg, thinking, "oh, yeah, olfactory freedom at last!" As if that were her cue, she pops in.

T.O.O. starts about seven spots ahead of me in the circuit. I'm on my last round, I figure I can tough it out. The problem is, T.O.O. is so slow she moves one station for every two the rest of us do. It isn't long before I'm slammed up against her on the circuit - and my head is about to explode with every inhale. So I skip the last few machines.

Curse you T.O.O.! My butt will forever be saggy because of your old lady scent.

At least that's the excuse I like to use.


Matthew Rush said...

You still get commended for working out at all. I play softball every week, but that's it, otherwise it's almost constant butt in chair status.

Lydia Kang said...

Good for you for exercising! I need to get myself onto my elliptical soon. Luckily I have no TOO's at my house.

Bish Denham said...

Any exercise is better than no exercize. I do water aerobics 4 days a week.

Nicole Murray said...

That's it, blame granny. *snort*

I go to a hike and bike trail for my daily exercise now (all season), but I use to go to a local gym.

A huge cavernous place. I would go early for the treadmills and be one of the few members running around. Well---I had my own T.O.O. only it was a he who grunted really loud and really porno when he lifted or ran or ANYTHING. And during half my weekly visits he was never more than a few nasty sweaty hairy machines away from me.

That is when I invested in headphones...

Nicole Murray said...

OMG! I just looked down in the corner of this blog. I'm a awesome writer? *blush* Not yet but I am trying. Thanks Steph!

Post a Comment