I don't want all my posts to be strictly writing-related, but this one is definitely directed at fellow writers who blog.

Is your blog working? I don't mean functioning, I mean, is it representing you the way you want to be? There have been many times when I've gone to check an author's blog and had a hard time finding anything out about them.

Here are the things I look for (this post will focus on general blog presentation, not blogging content):

Your name. Believe it or not, some people forget to display their real name. This of course depends on whether you want to be blogging incognito or not. But if you are a writer trying to network, make sure your name is easy to find, especially if it isn't in your url.

A way to contact you. I don't know how many times I've wanted to contact someone and have had to leave a message in a post comment to do so because there is no info on how to contact the writer otherwise.

Info about yourself. This doesn't have to be extensive or overly personal, but I like to know where you are in the writing journey and/or what your goals are. Are you published, agented, or just writing for fun? Genre is also helpful. Give us some background to know where you're coming from.

A picture of yourself. This is a personal preference, but I like to put a face with a name; I remember you better that way.

Other places to find you. Website? Twitter? Facebook? Give me links in case I want to connect with you in other ways.

As far as appearance, your blog doesn't have to be souped up to stand out. An attractive, simple template works fine. Whatever design you choose, make sure your blog is easy to navigate. Keep it clean. Your sidebar shouldn't be cluttered with awards and quotes and pictures that people have to scroll through to find your "about me" section. Keep it, and your "follow me", near the top. Make it easy for people to subscribe.

These are the basics. I've only got fifty lovely followers, so I don't profess to be an expert. These are my own personal thoughts on the topic. What else do you think is important in a blog appearance?

A quick post on receiving criticism:

When I first started sharing my writing online (because I couldn't find any real life writers in my area) I begged for feedback. And I got it. But it was all over the board. I remember printing out those first responses, reading and rereading them, and trying to incorporate every single change they suggested in my manuscript.

Yes, imagine that. Among a myriad of smaller suggestions, there were issues with POV and tense. You can imagine how I edited myself silly in those days.

I was so new to the critique thing that I assumed if a reader suggested it, it must be so. I was letting the wind blow me any way it wanted to. I ended up with a messy pile of words and a discouraged heart. Needless to say, that first manuscript is still on life support in some dusty corner; a cautionary tale in how not to receive criticisms.

I LOVE hard critiques. Lay it on me, baby, it's the only way my writing will get better. It's one reason my family doesn't critique for me. After my early days trolling for feedback in forums, I have since found a community of people who offer helpful, trusted feedback. Here is what I've learned over the years:

First of all, after reading the critique once, set it aside for a day or so, let it settle, then reread it. You'll find different parts jump out at you for your consideration. Read it several times (though not obsessively) to make sure you're getting everything out of it.

Read between the lines. Even if you ask for a hard critique, some people have a hard time giving them, or give them in a roundabout manner. Try to determine what their real meaning is. Don't be afraid to ask for clarification.

Don't make every change that's suggested. Duh. I don't know how I didn't get that in the early days. Not every suggestion is helpful. Especially minor things that don't ring true to you. Have your salt shaker nearby and take a grain or two with everything you read.

DO listen for things you hear over and over again. Critiquers will not all say it the same way, though. One may say your MC needs more depth, another may say they don't connect with her, and still another may say she's pathetic. This will all be woven in with critiques of different aspects of your novel. Pick them out. Taken all together you should get the gist that your MC needs some work. Sometimes the pattern shows up over the course of a few years of revisions. Always keep your ears perked up for criticisms that you've heard before: they're telling you something.

To sum it up, you will receive criticism all over the board (some directly contradicting others), so in the end you have to go with your gut instincts. But look for a pattern in the critiques; what themes are recurring in the majority of them? Be open to suggestions you hear over and over again.

Above all, be thankful for and hold dear those readers who offer honest feedback. Untainted impressions are worth more than gold to me. They are tools to help you make your manuscript better - and that's utterly invaluable.

I've made a big decision. I have unlocked some previously friends-only posts on my LJ blog in the interest of showing the ugly truths on my road to publishing (much of which still stretches before me). Knowing how much I benefited from reading the good, bad and ugly of other writer's journeys, I have decided to lay it all out there in the hope that someone may recognize moments of discouragement similar to their own and decide not to give up. . . after all, though it's been somewhat gruesome at times (or at least my display of emotions have been), I'm still making progress toward my dream. Not sure I'd call it inspirational, but I know my misery appreciated company over the years.

Read it here. Search for the entries tagged "the journey". And try not to cringe.

When I was in England last year my passport was stolen. While applying for an emergency passport at the U.S. embassy an agent asked, "Have you ever used any other last names?"

"Just my maiden name, Morlan."

"Are you sure?"

"Uh, yes," I said, my brain frantically searching an index of my life and any details I might be overlooking. My last name was Morlan growing up, and then I got married and it became Boman...is there something in between I'm forgetting?

"You've never used another last name?" she asks again, looking at me importantly, like a contestant on Password trying to coax the answer out of their teammate.

I start panicking. Is this some sort of test? Am I supposed to read between the lines? What does she really want me to say?

"No," I answer, sweating.

"Not something that starts with an "R"?"

An R??

"Uh, noooo . . ."

"Fine," she huffs in frustration. "Have a seat."

I did eventually get my passport and the "R" word never came up again. It wasn't until weeks later that it hit me.

I grew up Stephanie Elena Morlan, but I was born Elena Stephanie Rajcic, which is the name on my birth certificate, and which, as far as I know of, is the only place it has been used. Why? Well, my mother had divorced my older sister's father and was still legally using his last name when I was born. My "father", Edward Morlan, didn't marry my mom until she was pregnant with my little brother two years later. Yeah, great guy. Being traditional, my mom took the last name of the man she married, so at that point, she, my brother and I became Morlans.

I knew my name on my birth certificate was different from the one I used growing up, but I never thought much of it. My family called me Steffie, not Elena, when I was little for reasons I'm not completely clear on, and the only last name I ever knew to use was Morlan.

So yes, there was an "R" name in my past, and it had completely slipped my mind. The agent must have okayed my passport, thinking my given name must be some family secret I hadn't discovered yet. She must have feared instigating a life-altering identity crisis would cut into her afternoon tea.

I go back and forth on legal documents, sometimes using Stephanie Elena, other times Elena Stephanie...it can get a little sticky at times.

I'm thinking about names because when I was younger I hated the last name Morlan, and decided when I was an author I would be Elena Dahl (Dahl was my mother's maiden name). I loved the sound of it, it had special meaning to me, and I'd be shelved right next to one of my favorite authors!

When I started blogging I used my current name, Stephanie Boman, and registered it as a domain name. I developed a website and contributed to forums where everyone knows me by that name.

Recently, while fantasizing about getting a book published, I imagined my name on the cover, and remembered my desired nom de plume, realizing too late that I can't use Elena Dahl when all my networking has been under Stephanie Boman! Not that I don't like the name Boman, which, apart from the fact that 99% of people insist on inserting a "w" in it, is a perfectly nice name. But the name Stephanie Boman doesn't roll trippingly on the tongue as does, say, Melissa Marr, Holly Black, Judy Blume, Cassandra Clare, Libba Bray etc., etc. . . .

But even if I got over the awkward rhythm of it (Stephanie Boman has the same number of syllables as Stephenie Meyer after all) there's the whole other issue of identity. What name do I most identify with? My signature is S Boman. I like the sound of S.E. Boman, but of all my names, Stephanie is probably the one I identify with the most, so I don't really want to hide it as an initial on a book cover. For many years I was "Steffie" (which became "Stephi" when I entered high school and wanted a more "mature" spelling), but as an adult most people who know me call me Stephanie.

What about you - have you given much thought to your author name? Happy with the one you use already? Are there any author names you particularly like?

I guess in the end, a rose by any other name . . .

Bad stuffs flying around the writing corner of the interwebs lately. Lots of people have come away from it with different lessons, thoughts. Here's mine:

Just because it seems like we are at the mercy of agents does not make them gods. I was really irked by comments made on the recent hoo-haw by a writer who said, "You may not want to accept it, but we writers can certainly be an entitled bunch of jackasses at times. And when we are, we deserve to be called to account for it."

Now it most certainly is true that some writers act idiotically at times. It may even be true that some need to be put in their place (NEVER in a public forum, though, IMO), but what got me is this "we're not worthy" attitude. A need to self-flagellate.

I've seen it before, usually in blogs where agents complain about queries or emails or interactions with writers who don't know what they're doing (and let me just say I'm glad my agent doesn't have or make time to play around on blogs and twitter all day). Other writer's (maybe because they're glad they're not the ones getting spanked) love to hoot and holler about how clueless the offending writer is. I see comments where writers actually apologize to the agents for having to deal with the ill-bred members of their kin. It is a sad reality that agents have to deal with less then mature individuals in this age of the internet, but by now they should know that it comes with the job.

There are many stellar agents out there to admire. Some I can even see becoming a fan of for their knowledge and wit. But falling on the ground in obeisance only makes writers look like it's okay to step on them.

Part of the problem is saying "we writers". Writers are not one entity in reality. Everybody is responsible for their own actions, because we are humans, some who happen to be writers. So don't pull out the wet noodle and offer to lash your self every time some human, who happens to be a writer, makes a mistake. How can you ever expect respect if you act like you don't deserve it?

I am not saying all agents disrespect authors, far from it. But why kowtow to the ones who enjoy ridiculing the clueless? To curry favor? It's like, "look at me mommy, I'm not being bad!" Childish.

If you want to be treated with respect, act like it by taking responsibly for your own actions and leaving the universe to mete out whatever other humans have coming to them.

When I was four or five I asked my mom if any of the letters in the mail were for me. Yes, she said, and opened an envelope and read: Dear Steffie, we would like to offer you a job as an airline stewardess (that's what they were called back then) when you grow up. Please contact us when you are eighteen years old.

I couldn't yet read and so I believed that the piece of mail my mom "read" was really an offer of employment for me specifically. For several years I thought that was what I would be when I grew up. I have no idea why my mom picked that profession, I'd never said I wanted to be one, but I didn't question my destiny. My career was set.

I forgot about it as I grew older and when I was in elementary school my favorite thing to play was secretary (that's what they were called back then). I loved pretending to sit at a desk and perform tasks like carefully writing lists, making check marks, answering the phone and shuffling papers into neat stacks. Maybe it was the organization that soothed me – to this day I crave order in my home.

Yes, I had lofty aspirations.

The next thing I remember wanting to be was a writer. I did very well on essays in high school, wrote some dog awful poetry and started a story that now, twenty-three years later, is close to being made into a book.

I only wrote a few pages of the story when I was a sophomore. It was about a high school romance. Okay, yes, it was based on my real life experiences, which I thought were tragic and dramatic enough to become literature. I've kept some of the names, the football game, the dance, the mean girl, the disbelief that a hot guy (Troy from my book is waaay hotter than the dude I crushed on back then, though) liked me, which constituted pretty much all that I had written back when I was fifteen.

Many of my high school memories are crystallized in my mind. Maybe it's because I kept a journal that I've reread over the years. Maybe this is why I feel so connected to writing for young adults.

While the "coffee, tea, or me" gig never panned out, I did get into admin work (that's what they call it now) when I grew up. I still get a little thrill starting my morning with piles of "to dos" that I clear off by the end of the day.

And now I can also say I became a writer. Not because I have a book published, yet, but because I am determined to take the seeds of a story from my adolescent self and turn them into the fulfillment of a dream.

After reading some things on the web recently I just wanted to say...

I love very agent I've ever had contact with, and even the ones I haven't.
Writing is easy, the words fly off my fingertips.
I have no personal woes whatsoever.
I would never divulge anything personal online, anyway.
I have nothing bad to say about any book I've ever read.
Rejections? What are those?
I also shop in a dress and heels, keep my voice perfectly modulated when I speak and live in a neighborhood called Stepford.

As anyone can see, I am the ideal client. Not that I suspect agents are reading this or anything...

The isolated writer is an iconic image...just think of Emma Thompson in Stranger Than Fiction (which depicts all writerly angst quite well) sitting in that big, empty, stark apartment waiting for inspiration. I often muse why writers have to be so isolated, and I know my family certainly wonders, too. Does the general public understand the writer's hermitage? Behold, I bring you... The Top Ten Reasons Writer's Need to be Alone

1. Let's just get to the pajama thing right away. Until opening the door to the UPS man at three in the afternoon in Hello Kitty jammies becomes an accepted social norm, it's best we hide it from the public view.

2. So no one sees our surreptitious snacking habits. Oreo Bites. Skittles. Jelly Bellys. Insert bad food of choice here.

3. Because others already think we're strange, we don't need to provide more evidence as we try out gestures, facial expressions and sounds (what exactly would an alien chortling in a wind storm sound like?) to see if they ring true.

4. So our true work habits aren't discovered, ahem, including all those quick trips to FB, email and You Tube we make during "writing time".

5. Because professional help would be sought if they really knew how much crying goes on.

6. So no one sees us head banging the keyboard, thus discovering the real reason why the Q through P keys are always going wonky.

7. B.O.

8. Hair freakier than a porcupine with a perm.

9. For the Sounds of Silence.

10. Because the deal we made with the devil gave us great imaginations on the condition that the fruits thereof could only be brought forth in solitary confinement.

Did I miss any?

What's it like on the other side? What really happens to writing-friend relationships when a writer signs with an agent? This is how I imagine it.

Newly Agented Writer (N.A.W.) is blown to smithereens with happiness at good fortune when agent comes a'callin'. After telling every live human within the vicinity, N.A.W. goes online to tell the rest of her world: the writing community she's become a part of (this may include forums, critique groups/partners, and blog friends, etc.). Everyone does the happy dance for joy that one of them has crossed over...proving that yes, it is still possible to be a nobody and get picked up; offering on-the-cuspers around the world hope.

What I would like to know is what transpires after that.

Let me tell you this first: as a nonagented writer and hopeful on-the-cusper I often feel another emotion besides sheer joy when I hear of an acquaintance's success: jealousy. Don't get me wrong - my happiness for that person is genuine - I truly am happy and share in their joy, often tearing up with an overflow of good feelings for them, but there is another side of me that says "Sheesh! When's it going to be my turn?"

I have to admit this extends beyond agent signing - I feel this dual emotion when N.A.W. receives their advances and arcs, finds their write up in the publisher catalog, sees their book put on Amazon and finally holds their published novel. It is not an overwhelming, burning, green-eyed jealousy...more of an, "aw, I wish I had 300 fans entering contests to win my ARC." If it were me, and I pray fervently that I will have to have to deal with this issue someday, I think going from one of the gang scribbling away and waiting for success to one who has attained it as something that will feel awkward.

Can you be uber-thrilled at your own success and still sympathize with those who are no longer in the same boat as you? Or do you not sympathize so much once you're over the hump? I know there are individuals who still advocate and sympathize with the cuspers when they could so easily ride off into the published sunset. Sara Zarr seems to be empathetic, but then, maybe seven years of submitting will make you that way. Certainly, one gets to know the pre-agented community better with a long journey than say, someone who gets picked up the first week they send out queries *shoots (benign) daggers of envy*. I certainly wouldn't want published authors to feel guilty for their success...most of them spent their time in the trenches like the rest of us. I also do not wish to stop hearing of their successes, every step of the way - it does give me hope. I just wonder what it does to the dynamics of your relationship with non-agented/published friends. No one should feel obligated to stick around a community they don't feel comfortable in - but surely, the majority of writers had at least one person close to them that was going through the same process and must deal with the evolution that thus ensues.

Now, there is a whole other discussion that has gone on before about being able to vent about the post-agented process, feeling that some may think the person shouldn't whine, but be thankful to have an agent...but this post is long enough, so we won't go into that. And I don't even want to try to imagine what it would be like to be at Laurie Halse Anderson or Libba Bray status.

I'm a POV flip/flopper. When I'm starting a project (and often when I'm well into it, and at least once after I finished one) I have this little battle in my head about what POV to use. I go back and forth on the pros and cons of first and third. Which would make my story stronger, lend to the voice I'm trying to create, and, of course, have the perspective I want the audience to hear the story being told from?

Disclaimer: I have never actually written a whole story in third. I have tried, but I always end up going back to first person.

My reason is the same as most writers - I want the immediacy and intimacy that first person POV allows. But I have to admit that I have third person-phobia. The pros to telling a story in third are many, including a wider perspective - being able to explore things from more than what the MC would perceive, and I like that. But third also creates distance - you are no longer in the MCs head the way you are when the MC is telling the story herself. I am scared of this distance. I love third person when I read it, but to me I feel you have to have incredible talent to tell a story with that distance and still make it riveting and immediate. At least it's something I find hard to do.

I have gone back and forth on what POV Ada, my historical fiction, should be told from. Third lends itself well to historical fiction (although there is something fresh about using first person in historical fiction - since the time period is already a distancing factor, it can be helpful to tell the story in first to get the reader there quickly). I started the story over this way, convinced it was the change that my story needed, committed to rewriting the whole thing that way. A few pages in I found I had slipped back into first unconsciously. I don't know if it's habit, or because the story is just naturally supposed to be told that way.

I'm back to arguing with myself about which is better...it changes every hour. Perhaps I should write a chapter in both and submit it for critiquing.

So tell me, what's your preferred POV, or does it change depending on what you are working on? What are the challenges you find with each? How do you decide which is right for a particular project? Does anyone struggle the way I do?

IT. As in, created a website. Lots of my fellow bloggers are talking about issues relating to online presences - from introverts being expected to be extroverts to the masses who are suddenly talking about tech time taking away from personal time (like, with live people). So, here's my contribution to keeping you from a few more minutes of face time with a loved one *g*.

Though I'm not published (YET), I wanted a website because I felt anxious to have a professional representation of me on the web that would appeal to potential readers. This LJ blog is for my writer-related rantings. I wanted a separate site that would include, among other stuff about me, a journal/blog with topics that teens would be interested in.

And here's where Facebook redeemed itself with me. I connected with a friend I knew from high school whom I remember as being talented in graphic arts and now has his own design business. I told him I'd been thinking about a professional website - and soon we were working together on it. Justin did a great job - I love my site and think it represents me and I think/hope it will appeal to teens.

Some things I love especially: my high school pee-chee in the background and other images from my writing life (favorite pen, crumpled paper) and my handwriting used as a font. I love the overall design and colors. Justin did a good job of putting as much of me into the site as possible (see my signature!). I highly recommend his services - you can find him at macduffdesign.com.

So. New website. Yay!

Here's the rub: spending chunk o' money on fancy-schmancy website = no-turning-back commitment to become published.

During this process, however, I've become even more attached to my laptop. But now that I'm done, I'm making a new goal - to spend less time online. I have definitely noticed a disconnect from family life because of increased internet use (by all of us) and I want to change that. My website journal will be updated once a week - and LJ posts one to two times a week at most. Though I always have lots of thoughts to share, I would rather use that brain/composing time to do my real writing. I'm fairly well cured of my FB addiction, though I still want to stay in the loop there. I will limit my blog-reading to a half hour a day and drastically reduce my email checking, with you as my witnesses.

To sum up, as I'm steadily increasing my online presence, I'm also going to become more conscious of using my own online time wisely. Playing dominoes and going out for ice cream with my ten-year-old (which we did tonight) is far more precious than zoning out in front of the computer screen. You never get these days back - once they're gone, they're gone, and I vow to remind myself of that from now on.

Wow, nothing like work in the real world to sap the creativity right out of you. But I persevered. I had billing to do this week and tried to cram revising in around it. I can see the finish line, so I'm in one of those focus modes where everything else gets ignored. To whit these exchanges of late:

Darling Daughter: "Mom, I'm weepy and mopey because I'm in teenage angst and turmoil, what do I do?"
Me: (Fingers furiously typing) "Uh huh."

Wee One: "Mommy, I'm throwing fits and acting out in general because I need attention."
Me: (Scanning critiques) "That's nice, sweetheart."

Hubby: "Honey, there's no clean underwear."
Me: (Eating TJ's mint ice cream cookies...uh, I mean, revising my synopsis) "Rmmph?"

Stinky Pete: "Rowr?" (translation, "Would you like me to shed cat hair in every corner of the house?")
Me: (Showing, not telling) "'K, thanks!"

Housework: "That stinky smell is not the laundry/dishes/bathrooms that need to be cleaned, we swear."
Me: (Spell checking) "Wha?..., um, fine, thankyou."

And the to-do list grows longer than the scarf Aunt Rita knitted for Christmas. Responsibilities are ignored, calls not returned, obligations not met, balls dropped... Just publish me and put me out of my misery, for crying out loud!1!!